Table of Contents

Ministers and Working Wives

By Jerry Newswander

Because of the cost of raising children and saving for retirement, ministers’ wives have joined the workforce.

Because of the cost of raising children and saving for retirement, ministers’ wives have joined the workforce. Many have secured employment to supplement the family income or to receive the insurance that churches cannot afford. While it is true that some ministers’ wives work because of financial necessity, it is also true that some prefer to pursue a career while serving with their husbands in the ministry. Regardless of the reasons, purposes, or goals for ministers’ wives who work, there are special stresses that confront any ministerial family when the wife works.

Pastors whose wives work outside the home encounter unique demands and expectations not experienced by other families. The minister is expected to care for church families, but he is also responsible for the well-being of his own family.

Ministerial families must not feel that because the wife or mother works outside the home their faith is weak. It is also unfair to assume that ministers are not caring for their family properly if their wives supplement the family income.

My wife has worked throughout our approximately 20 years of pastoral ministry and 22 years of marriage. She enjoys ministry, so she balances her time between work, home, teenage children, husband, and church. We both know her job has been a necessity and a blessing. Many ministers’ wives are in the same situation. Rather than seeing your wife’s job as a inconvenience, view it as a ministry. God’s grace can be ministered to those she meets throughout the day.

Ministry couples must take steps to cope with the business and pressures of life. The following ideas can help.

1. Plan time for your spouse. Make time together for lunch, dinner, quiet time, a romantic evening, or a mini vacation. My wife and I meet for lunch several times each week. I try to plan my schedule around her days off so most weeks we spend part of a day (or an entire day) together. If possible, plan a short trip every 3 months. Take time each day to converse with your spouse about the day’s experiences.
   
2. Plan time for the entire family to be together. At times, we plan our private meals together as a family. We may do a special activity together. It is wise for parents to take their children on dates—mother/son and father/daughter for example. Let them choose the activity. Take time each day to speak with your children about their experiences.
   
   

   It is important to find healthy methods of coping with the special stresses that are added to a ministerial couple/family when the spouse works.

   
   
   
3. As a couple, visit with minister friends and their wives over a meal, coffee, or in some enjoyable activity. This is a time to nurture friendships, share burdens, and gain new insight on ministry or family concerns. Establish friendships in the church as well.
   
   
4. Choose prayer partners. Share needs with your friends and pray regularly with each other. Meet for prayer, share needs through notes, and use the phone or E-mail.
   
   
5. Pray with your spouse and family. Prayer will strengthen your family relationships. You will be refreshed, and your children will learn how to pray and have a model to follow.
   
   
6. Be patient with work schedules. Some jobs might require an employee to periodically work overtime or vary work schedules. Be flexible with your spouse’s work schedule.
   
   
7. Realize that the minister may have to share home responsibilities. Those responsibilities may include taking the children to and from school, cooking, and supervising home activities.
   
   
8. Attend sectional, district, and national conventions as time allows. Plan ahead for these meetings. My wife attends meetings with me as much as possible. Many churches send their pastor and spouse to district and national meetings. If your church cannot afford to pay your way, perhaps your district has a scholarship fund to help with expenses.
   
   
9. Talk with a Christian counselor, if needed. Seek assistance when you sense a need for help. Attend marriage retreats.
   
   

   Ministerial families must not feel that because the wife or mother works outside the home their faith is weak.

   
   
   
10. Exercise and maintain a healthy diet. Proper diet and exercise will help you feel better and look better. Good health assists in dealing with stress.
    
    
11. Maintain and nurture a positive, pleasant, and productive attitude (Philippians 4:8). A healthy attitude and good sense of humor will be a blessing (Proverbs 17:22).
    

    Your primary function is to be available for your husband and family and to see that your home runs smoothly.

    
    
12. Do not feel guilty because your spouse maintains a job. You cannot regulate the economy, nor can you control cash flow through the church.

Each couple is unique and can devise other methods of coping with schedules, time management, and stresses. Find healthy methods of coping with the stress that is added to a ministerialcouple/family when the spouse works.