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Playing Nice: Effective Ministry in Dual-Gender Teams

By Lori S. O’Dea

In the classic movie, The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy, the Lion, the Tinman, and the Scarecrow formed a good team. They had a rocky start and some internal strife, but essentially, they banded together to pursue their dreams. Without each other, the likelihood of their success would have been doubtful. But as a team, the Wicked Witch was eliminated, the Wizard was exposed, Kansas got on the map, and all of them got what they wanted. So dual-gender teams must work, right?

The answer is yes. Dual-gender teams do work. Corporate society knows this well, but the local church continues to play catch-up. Creation of a dual-gender leadership team requires a two-fold commitment — to both the team model and to the intentional inclusion of women. The facts tell us we need one another and that diversity is good and brings strength. And the bigger picture reminds us that we have an enormous job to do. The Great Commission definitely sends the “all hands on deck” message. We can do more together than we can do individually, particularly when the Holy Spirit is in the mix. But men and women must first view each other as indispensable teammates.

The Hurdles

There are real obstacles to overcome. Women must contend with two gender-based problems and one organizational barrier. First, the problem of past negative or even no experience with women in positions of leadership must be addressed. Like 3 year-olds offered broccoli for the first time, some churches and their leaders often negate the value of women in leadership without ever having had the benefit of the experience — positive or negative. They paint the possibility with the broad stroke of assumption, believing that the future should not look different from the past. Both men and women must commit to intentional inclusiveness, particularly in leadership structures (church pastoral staffs, boards, faculties, etc.). In addition to more accurately reflecting the culture it serves, the church will be strengthened and more effective in its mission.

Blurred lines between tradition and truth make up a second, significant hurdle to the success of dual-gender teams. If churches will commit to learning what Jesus taught about gender (no double standard, no exclusion, and no limits on God-given destiny ¹), then the faulty paths of tradition will give way to the empowering roads of truth.

This leads to the third hurdle: Hierarchy versus team-leadership styles. In organizational terms, perhaps hierarchy, like the poor, will always be with us. However, we can choose to make the move from a hierarchy toward a team style of leadership that lends itself more adequately to dual-gender opportunities.

Our Hope

Can the local church overcome these hurdles in the race to fulfill its mission? Again, the answer is yes. We have hope, first, because the Spirit can make us more teachable. One mega-church pastor, now distancing himself from a previously entrenched position, commented, “I reserve the right to get smarter.” We all reserve that right. Hearts and minds submitted to God’s leading and transformation will yield new and different possibilities for collaboration in leadership teams. Secondly, we have hope because growth is the Christian standard. Ephesians does not hold out a goal of status quo existence, but rather an inspiring measuring rod etched with the fullness of the stature of Christ. We grow as disciples, leaders, and entire communities. Allow for growth outside the envelope of previous experience.

Personal Adjustments

The greatest hindrances to growth in the number and quality of dual-gender teams reside in our personal resistance. The four following reality checks are required before we can open the field and “play nice.”

Get Biblical. Whether egalitarian or complementation in your position on women in ministry, you must see that current practice does not match doctrinal position. But why do we tolerate this disconnect? Men, intentionally make room for women. Invite, promote, and become an advocate for women in leadership. There’s enough room for both of us. There’s enough work for everyone. Women, step up to the plate. Every time you shy away from opportunity, you further entrench illegitimate understandings of women in leadership, making it that much more difficult for those women who follow you.

Get Confident. Insecurity can be the downfall of us all. John Maxwell wrote, “Insecure leaders are dangerous — to themselves, their followers, and the organizations they lead — because a leadership position amplifies personal flaws.” 2 If we are threatened by one another, we will not be able to work well together. Ask yourself some hard questions: Is it okay for someone to have a better idea than I do? Can they get there first? Am I willing to follow if it is right for our organization? If not, figure out why and grow past it. Men, your security and confidence shine when you are willing to listen. Women, yours shines when you choose to speak up.

Get Skills. All of us — men and women alike — benefit from ongoing growth in relational, ministry, and leadership skills. Thankfully, there are no limits to our potential. Everyone can improve. Devote yourself to intentional and ongoing education in the areas of leadership (particularly team culture), communication, and conflict resolution. Excellent interpersonal skills form the bedrock of relationships that withstand the very real and normal bumps that often derail team formation.

Get Self-Awareness. Dual-gender teams are no place for stupidity, naiveté, or obliviousness. Pride, defensiveness, entitlement, and even fear sometimes go unrecognized. Unchecked, these are destructive to ourselves and to others. Self-awareness in these matters can be spurred by the awareness of others. Ask for feedback. Find out, don’t guess, how you are communicating and being read by others. Then seek the means to change and be accountable for that change.

Here’s the great part about dual-gender teams: When we commit to operate in them, we discover that our differing perspectives, experiences, and giftings blend to create a powerful leadership example. Setting that example well teaches and invites others to participate in this exceptional Christian model of leadership. Plus, it energizes both the leadership team and the organization. Playing nice will do that.

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