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Living With Leaders

By Judy Homer Rachels

Enrichment Journal, spring 2002

"Keep me burning, burning, burning," I sang my loudest. My 8-year-old voice was made for that counterpart, and this time was like no other. It was the brightest, happiest hour of the week. The Sunday evening meeting began at 7:45 p.m. The organist had been bouncing along, churning out tunes that sounded like the local skating rink, but of course, I couldn't sing along with those tunes. But I knew every word of the melodies the organist played that night: "Years I spent in vanity and pride, knowing not it was for me He died"; " 'Tis the grandest theme thro' the ages rung; 'Tis the grandest theme for a mortal tongue."

The lights went up. My mother and father ascended the platform, each with the mission of leading their side of the audience in "raising the rafters." Mom led, "Give me oil in my lamp"; Dad led the rest of us in providing the counterpart. Those were the days. Leaders are enthusiastic. They have the capacity to move, inspire, and mobilize others.

The Baptists and Presbyterians visited; they came curious and left filled. What a harvest moment we knew in the 50s. My folks led a 30-minute, live daily radio broadcast, cooperated with the local summer tent meetings, conducted annual daily vacation Bible school, held water baptisms at the nearby creek, and built the new sanctuary with volunteer labor. Leaders are constantly tracking results. Leaders keep setting bigger goals, seek cooperation, and delegate. Leaders cultivate and nourish their skills. Their goal is to increase influence. They give credit.

My parents enthused people about Sunday school, sponsored contests to encourage growth in attendance, led and prayed in 24-hour prayer chains, and donned their bathrobes in public to play a role in the annual Christmas pageant. They were marketers, coaches, and executives, and they ran the bulletins on the mimeograph on Saturday. Leaders keep a schedule. Leaders say, "We" and "let's." They build good will.

My love for shoe box peek stories, flannelgraph scenarios, missionaries' slide shows, and the evangelist's life stories grew with my capacity to sit still and listen. Television had not marred my vivid imagination. We wouldn't have had one of those devil boxes in our house. (I think we had that right all those years ago.) Leaders live by the standard to which they call others.

Leadership, as Mom and Dad lived it, looked like seriousness and business. There was no nonsense. We lived exactly the way Dad preached—believing Jesus would come any minute. Leaders are integrated—have a high degree of integrity—meaning whole, complete.

We kept our car washed, shoes polished, and house clean—cleanliness is next to godliness, don'tcha know? Leaders are constantly evaluating and striving for excellence. My mother's mantra could be heard around the house in melodic repetition: "Hallelujah. Thank You, Jeeezuz. Hallelujah!" We answered the phone with the "victory voice"—the saints needed that. We held the board members in high esteem and prayed for them daily. Leaders are constantly honing skills. Leaders build a team. They build good will. They seek cooperation.

Sometimes the deacons went fishing on Sunday; occasionally some sister got crossways because she didn't get to testify frequently enough. Leaders become increasingly free from the necessity for the approval and praise of others. Leaders have the capacity to rise above disappointments. They have an objective resiliency when things go wrong. A perpetual concern for consensus leverages power. A leader is responsible for moving ahead.

I'm the sandwich generation surrounded by leaders. Before marrying one, I knew the lifestyle of leaders. After 22 years in the ministry with my parents, I married a minister/leader whose warm, gregarious ways had people lining up to be on his team. He instinctively drew people. Leadership is intuitive.

While I shrunk from the wearing burden of expectations, he was amazingly blind and deaf to them. His marching orders came from deep within his satisfied soul. He resisted the mold, and his phlegmatic personality posed little threat to his peers. He refused to impress his agenda on others—he trusted them. He became the president of nearly every group he joined. He was elected to office in three districts. Leaders engender trust and confidence.

Leadership is the process of persuasion and example by which an individual induces a group to take action that is in accordance with his purposes. Leaders aren't people who never fail. They are people who get up. They are positive and don't dwell on past failures. A mess can be the mother of ministry. A flop can birth grit. Fleeing saints clear out the pew for the eager and hungry. Hurt can become the fertile soil for growing compassion. The secret is to let the disappointment, discouragement, and failure be the place of starting again.

I treasure the vivid memory of a day when Ray left for an early morning appointment with the church treasurer. Leading a small congregation yields encounters with limited resources. Finances were beyond tight, our paycheck had not been cashed; we were in danger of losing a new piano needed for the choir. There was no money to finish paying off the contract. He gave me a quick hug as he left for the meeting and suggested that when he returned, we take our young sons on an afternoon ride along the Russian River to pick blackberries. Within an hour, the door of his car slammed in the driveway, and I heard his lilting whistle and saw his familiar grin as he swung through the door. "Let's get going. I'm ready for some fun!"

"Ready for fun," I groaned, "with all these disappointments and worries?"

"What worries?" He kidded. "Everything's going to be fine!" We packed up, had a super day, and guess what. Everything was fine. Leaders have the capacity to rise above disappointment and criticism. They maintain a teachable heart. Leaders believe in their goals and inspire by example.

So what's it really like being married to a leader? It's dazzlingly busy. People pepper our lives. Our calendar is packed. We're happy and upbeat. Leaders can live with ambiguities, imperfection, and stress. They know others are in place to do the work. They trust that to happen and monitor it.

Though the heaviness of home engineering and parenting has more heavily fallen to me, I have loved the excitement. I have not always loved the days of being alone with the children, the incessant "handy dandy helpful suggestions," the checklist of jobs completed, or the volunteering me for stretching experiences. I'm better for it all. Leaders guide and direct others. They delegate. They are constantly striving for excellence and evaluating the performance of those thy lead. They engage everyone in tasks. They attend to the details of business while maintaining a healthy emotional detachment. Leaders focus on people, people listen and give them respect in return.

Our grown children relish the crazy stories that have woven the fabric of our lives. This leader has taken us across America, has found excellent books for us to read, and has taken advantage of opportunities to read to us as well. He regales us with stories of his life and reaches into powerful moments of common folks and tells their stories. He's filled our calendars, our emotional tanks, and our hearts. Leaders nurture, develop, and encourage their families. Leaders document events, conversations, and "happenings"— data for future use.

Our family time has been filled with competitive interaction. We all love to win. Shrieks, tears, and giggling episodes have marked our days. Dad loves to win, insists on finding the best seat available at every event, pushes for the best opportunities, and keeps his options open. A leader is one who guides and directs the activities of others. They articulate their goals and create enthusiasm.

Now a third generation is assuming leadership roles. They were mentored by their hero. He coached their teams, he insisted on their having jobs, he gave them tips as they ventured out on their own. He led when the children were floundering, remembering he was the adult. The leadership cycle continues. There are three children—a pastor, a deacon, and a university ASB president. Leadership is less a science and more an art. It is intuitive. Leadership is discerning potential in people and empowering them with responsibility.

Living a long time doesn't automatically make you wise, but it does increase your options. I've known the joy of a blessing-packed life living with leaders. I give thanks in all things because these "things" are the curriculum for the most important lessons life offers. Leaders are "for" things. They are in favor of a renewed spirit, encouragement, and improvement. They speak on the good side of issues—cures instead of curses. They have the "en" attitude. This prefix means "to make possible." Leaders encourage, enable, enjoy. They make possible the courage, ability, and joy of those around them.

Judy Homer Rachels is a licensed minister with the Assemblies of God and lives in Huntington Beach, California. She is the wife of T. Ray Rachels, superintendent of the Southern California District of the Assemblies of God.

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